The pieces move forward, homeward bound?

How do you know you're in the right place. At the right time. 

We are always told as kids that we need to find ourselves. There are no directions, except do what you want to do with out it being entirely too illegal. Just don't get into trouble.

I've been on that quest my entire life, along the way I have met people that have influenced my thoughts and feelings towards other people and even fell in love. 

So far it's been pretty good. There has been a lot of moving, a lot of picking up lives and jobs. These experiences and adventures will influence our lives forever. The memories will never be the same, they will never go away. Some bad, most of them good. 

But now it's more than just moving around finding yourself. Even trying to find that one person. I have that now. It's all a part of growing up, realizing your potential and going to get that potential.

Will my life forever be searching for something I've been overlooking the entire time? Have I been going around in the vane hope that somewhere 'outside' of my comfort zone, when I should have been looking there the entire time.

My worst fear is that I will always regret the move, that I never gave it my 100% before dropping the hope that something would happen and moving on. I seemed to be doing that quite often, and for my life- and my marriage I hope I'm making the correct decisions.  

Or is it that I've just been trying to locate to a place that I never belonged in the first place. I'm picking up our lives at every turn and trying to fit into another place to where our lifestyles are no match. Forcing a puzzle piece a place it doesn't belong. That has been our lives so far. Moving, fitting in- the goal this entire time has always been getting a house and finding that 'home' feeling that we both have been searching for our entire lives. 

We're looking for the safety of the home life. Where we know we're going to be able to invest the money that we get into something we're going to get to keep forever. Something that 10 or 20 years down the line we know that we're going to be able to look back on and be proud of. 

Is that feeling here? Are we just not giving it enough time to sink in? We're fairly settled here. We have something of a life- but there is still that nagging feeling that there should be more to life than getting up and going to work coming home and turning on Netflix. Yes, there is a lot to see around here; it's winter. No one wants to get out and about. Especially for the 405, where you're murdered for going too slow and pulled over for going to fast. There is no medium here. Too fast paced for us. 

Could we potentially get used to that? Would it be a safe place for our kids to grow up? The answerers to these questions can only be answered by time, but who is keeping track? Father time tells us that we need to get to where we're going to be happy. And for us right now, all we want is happiness and surrounded by family. There is only one place you can have that. Home. There has been a little too much effort for us to create a home when there has been one calling to us the entire time. 

Waiting

Rubbing sleep from my eyes. legs stiff from restless sleep; a hot cup of joe to dampen the cold morning, I wait. 

I boot my computer up, soft music harmonies chime and ding in my ear through headphones, cutting me away from the outside world. I wait.

I refresh my email countless times, seconds after another- in the vane hope that something will change, checking things that make no difference in my life at all; twitter, Facebook. I wait

I spend the time I should be using for other useful things, looking at useless facts online- getting lost in the matrix that is the internet all awhile I wait. 

I wait for something to change, I wait for the inspiration that will never come unless I do the one thing I am waiting for. 

I constantly think of excuses of why I shouldn't be doing the one thing that will make the difference in my own heart; watching endless episodes of nothing-in-particular  on Netflix. 

I wait. For nothing but hope. 

Weekend are the best when they're in the middle of the week

Another weekend of nothing in particular. I watched some good tv shows, but other than that not a lot else.

Together we made some good food, cleaned up the apartment and my wife figured out some things on her own blog: 

Wifey's blog

( you should check it out ) 

And checked my email. A lot. 

I feel like this would be me if I had been mildly successful in writing. Someone who awaits the email from publishers saying, " Your work is amazing. " the types of emails one dreams about in a far off sort of way. I am still very far away from that type. No. This email was from my Illustrator, I got to see a sneak peak at her interpretation of what Lukas looked liked based on some drawings ( very poor ones ) of my own. It looks wonderful! 

Maybe I am a little too anxious of the arrival of Lukas's face. Or maybe because it's someone else's idea of how my character will look in her own creative eye.

I had a conversation to her about it the other day claiming that it felt as if she was babysitting my character and he'll be different and spoiled. Maybe that's the case. 

Regardless, I miss Lukas. Which doesn't mean that he's gone. He's still there, but he will be different. I guess that is the first step to any kind of creative work, is that your first step is to let go. Maybe that's how being a parent is too? I'm too young to know that feeling yet! 

Still waiting word, I have to learn to be patient but the little kid inside of me ( perhaps that's lukas ) jumps up and down with anticipation. I cannot wait to see what it is, and perhaps once I see that I will be inspired to write more, but cannot rely on that as my reason behind why I am or am not writing either. That's just silly. 

The puzzle piece

Sunday Rambles!

We're all a part of a greater puzzle, all trying to find and fit into our place in the world.

This puzzle is a big part of our life. We're always trying to find the right fit. Changing our appearance and even where we live to find a better suitor. All through life it's a struggle, a struggle to find out who you are and where you belong.

The biggest thing I've tried to do in the past was to move around, trying to find different envirorments that I've lived in.

There have been some good fits, and not so good ones. The one thing I am most happiest about my moving around is that I happened to stumble upon the love of my life and for that I am grateful.

Writing, working and upgrades!

Silly Life. Getting in the way of my writing!

I have had a busy couple of days, though that is nothing compared to people who actually do this for a living. Catching up with Neil Gaiman's blog, and reading my own writing I've determined there is a lot more to life than writing in a blog daily and considering that " writing ". I have a long way to come before I'm in that winners circle.

Since my last post, I have been home mostly recovering from the adventures that I had with my wife and pup. We haven't really had anything terribly exciting happen for the past couple of days.

I got new headphones, that cover my ears so I can focus more clearly on writing and not so much on the outside world. It's just easier to focus on the voices in my head than the voices coming into my ears.

Yesterday at work our remote reps equipment broke causing them all to have to come in. There was a lapse in their appearance in our queue ( for those who don't work in a call center, the queue is where the calls come into our building and routed to us individuals )

I usually get to work crazy early due to the shift I share with my wife. She starts at 8 and I start at 10. It's just easier to come in and just write this or another part of my story while I wait for my shift to start. Since I get here so early they asked if I would go on the phones early with the promise of being able to leave early. Which was great, the wife and I got to get home an hour earlier. We were so excited we did nothing productive and watched Netflix.

The funny thing is this: your body gets so used to working one shift when you make changes it really causes a rift in your mentality of the day. My wife is usually half way through her shift before my first break. Yesterday we got to have all our breaks together which was great, though the day seemed to be hanging in some sort of matrix-y chasm, unaware of where I really was in the time or space. It was 3 o'clock in the real world but 3 o'clock in Alex world is lunch time and half way through my shift.

I was getting restless even though I had just had a break. It messed me up a little. Long story short, as soon as I got home I was ready for bed. And that's what I did, shamefully.

As for the world of Writing!

I am making changes to my story a little bit. I've hired a co-worker of mine to draw up a couple of concepts for my character, just so I can use that as a guidance for the rest of my story. I have had the same picture of Lukas in my head for too long. He has changed quite a bit since last time I wrote about him from that concept. For me, it's important to see the little guy in 'real life' which is still him being on a piece of paper, but to see the face that I've created from someone else will be a nice change.

I have to admit I am really excited to see what she comes up with and to visualize what my little guy is going to be. It's strange, it's like he's the little guy I've always wanted him to be; when I was a kid all I could have imagined is a friend like him- and I really wish he was real. In my head, he is! He's 'grown' up so much in my head, and formed a really cool little dude. I'm like his parent, seeing him grow into the person I know from today- all from that one picture and an idea. I made someone who is truly wonderful. I just hope my kids are going to be as cool ( which they are, duh. Just look at Joanna and I...)

I'll keep you guys updated on what comes from that when I hear back. I'll wait anxiously by my computer, refreshing my gmail the entire time awaiting the response back and the happy face that I'll have when I see his face. He's always going to be in my mind as one person, the person that made the story real to me. I'm just hoping the readers will feel the same about him as I do. So far, the reviews have been great from family and friends. I'll make sure to share the adventures Lukas and I have here soon!

End of one adventure, beginning of another..

The end of an adventure. The Vacation ended, but good memories and happy faces are all that will remind me of how fun of a time we actually had.

We started our morning packing up and warming the car- it wasn't too terribly cold, but just cold enough to be uncomfortable. Which is usually the mornings here in the Pacific North West. We drove south, through the traffic doom that is the 405, we managed to get off the main roads and traveled down to our destination; The Sunny Seaside Oregon.

Though it wasn't really sunny. Oregon was very wet, and reminded me of a simpler time back home to Kentucky. Rolling hills; farmland as far as the eye could see and plenty of people with trucks as big as their egos.

As we came rolling into our destination; we saw at the end of the lane where our hotel was the roaring ocean. An awesome site: crashing white waves, a dark blue and grey against the crests and white caps. Wind blew us all around as we made our walk down the ocean side.

 We bundled together, hoping to stay warm; as we were just in nothing more than a sweatshirt from the journey south- the smell of fish and sea salt filled our nostrils. Our poor little puppy didn't understand what this tiny gritty stuff was we were making her walk on but soon didn't care anymore- she ran and played all around, even making a few friends along the way.

Our hotel room was cozy, and warm with a tiny view of the ocean- though it's impression was still upon us as we could hear it's call even from inside the room just as clearly as if we were outside.

There were shops we explored, and touristy traps for people who had nothing more to do than spend money on things they would soon feel guilty for. Seafood restaurants littered with small mom and pops who were just trying to bring in the younger crowed to the otherwise senior population.

The most fun my wife would say we had was at the aquarium. Where we were able to feed the seals- found little baby ones who were just as cute as little puppy; and a grouchy old one who wouldn't let anyone pass.

We were got up close and personal to several octopuses, who were in little tanks- stuck to a wall minding it's own business, it's tentacles floating about with a mind of their own. Just as you got close enough to get a good look it would flick and move giving you the impression that if you got closer it would pull you under. It's suction cups pressed tightly against the rock wall holding it in place.

There was a conversation had about whether or not it was sleeping or feeding, which we never found the true answer. My guess; as it's eyes were closed, and it's body pulsed and bubbled against the rock was that had to be sleeping. Joanna's was another fateful tale of how we really would never know, as to how many starfish there were strung around the area, her argument was, " they had to be there more than for show. " And that was as solid as the rock the octopus was suctioned to.

After that we returned to the room as beat as our faces were red. The wind was picking up, the air was getting colder, the ocean fiercer in the darkness. In the night we decided to go down to the ocean, to see it's triumphant glory, it's proud roar never ceased. Though retreated in it's depths the current further than I had ever seen.

We walked for nearly a mile on the beach, forward from our hotel- I never reached the waves, though one moment of fear and a cowardly run later, it had returned, then retreated- as though scaring off anyone silly enough to get close to it's shallows.

The next morning we took our time coming back home- driving around exploring cities and shops.  We got some good deals on comfy adventure clothing and decided to spend some time in Astoria as well.

The shops were small- but had enough in them to keep a prospect shopper busy for hours. We went into several book stores, some crazy antique shops. But finally after procrastinating a full day of casual walking around, shopping and good times we decided it was a good time to head back home.

We realized on the way home that this was the first vacation we had had with out having to go to the another persons house, we were able to go back to the place we called home. Which is still an apartment in a busy city. But at the end of the day it was our home, we felt safe there and slept well.

Excitement; on the road again; adventures of the pacific northwest

FRIDAY! ( or at least my Friday )


This day cannot go by fast enough!

Tomorrow starts our mini-adventure to the wonderful Sea Side Oregon! We're leaving bright and early tomorrow morning, all coffee'd up and bright eyed. We head south from seattle and down the 101!

I have heard so many good things about the scenery on 101 Pacific Northwest Highway, and am sure to bring loads of pictures back to show off my adventure.

We're really just going down there to see what Oregon has to offer, never been there yet and have heard a lot of nice things about the place in general. Looking for new people to interact with and try to peg their personalities. Seattle people are just a little to hardcore for our taste.

Hopefully we will have time to relax. But our 'weekend' is going to be filled looking at different houses that have caught our fancy; the stores ( Joanna found a book outlet warehouse where I plan on spending a little time at )

I'm going to try my best not to fall in love with the first house that I see that can be easily managed:

( no promises )



These houses are great! Right by the ocean, in little quaint towns. This is exactly what we were looking for. The problem is that we're still kids, had have a lot of growing up to do before we're ready for a big kid place. It's a big investment, and planning is very important. But it doesn't hurt to look and get excited every once and a while!


Heres to giving our trip a promising and relaxing weekend filled with good food, good times, and maybe a little creative writing in the mix somewhere!

Plans acquired, freedom awaits!

Despite having the feeling after work of just wanting to sit home and lounge on the couch there is still one thing in existence that is even more relaxing.

If asked to describe this feeling on one word, the only one that comes to mind is Freedom.

The freedom to see the open road, only have the company of the one you truly love; good music, and ahead of you an entire expanse of unexplored territory that is just waiting for you to see and enjoy it.

That is what our weekend is going to be. Free ( emotionally, not financially ) We are going to drive until our eyes burn. We will have the road, mountains, and ocean ahead of us. Nothing will stop us ( food and gas exclude! )

This is the plan:

A town we've never been to- a state that has plenty of opportunities for young couples, and wanna be writers. I can't wait to see the ocean- enjoy the scenery, the mountains. To have that freedom on the road- where one can think and plot and dream. It's going to be wonderful! Wish us luck in finding the wonders of this little town, and all of his adorable glory- I'm hoping for quaint little shops, and touristy quality hotels. This is our life- our freedom.


I'll be filling this blog up with loads of pictures and information about the town and all that we see!

Traveling; writing; and a zombie!

Today I decided; instead of the general ramblings of a wanna-be writer- I would actually provide you guys with something else to read.

This is a real post- I know, right? Might actually want to sit down for this one, as I tell you what's going on in my life. Which isn't much, and might be the shortest post yet. ( lets be honest, I'll start to ramble, as I'm doing now *stops* ) 

As I started writing this blog, I have realized that things in the world are true inspirations. I have written small stories about coffee cups, and wizards; fog and even football ( go seahawks ) 

I have been working slowly but surely on everything under the sun besides the one thing that I should be working on, which is my real story. The thing that looms in the back of my mind, poking and prodding my brain * write me…* poor soul. 

I am hoping that this weekend I'll have some time to where I can actually dedicate to my writings- working on my wizard story ( of a young man who works in a similar field as I- but as a Zap Representative- he can zap to peoples houses with a wave of his wand and essentially take care of any issues they might have with a wave of his wand ) And also the story of Lukas Fernweh, a young boy who finds himself in a world with out color. 

The plans are this weekend to actually get lost somewhere. The wife and I had been doing that when we lived in Minnesota almost every weekend we had off- driving around, the only road signs we were following were some variation of brightly colored cardboard with the words: " Yard sale " on it. In washington state it's still rather cold for there to be any sales as of yet. it's harder when you live in a bigger town to just drive around and get lost- not having to worry about the traffic of the people around you but being forgotten and forgiven, just the tires meeting the pavement and over all good conversation. 

We had planned to go to Oregon for the first time, to see what Portland had to offer. Thinking it might be time to look around for places that weren't so convoluted and populated. The people in Washington state are very unique in their own rights- just alike the air around them. Hard. Everyone has their own story- of how they came over here, either on boat or on road such as we had. No one is giving up their tale! Hopefully there are better stories and opportunities to see what the north has to offer us as a family. Maybe even cheaper living which would be a plus. 

As such, my wife claims to have seen a Zombie prowling the pier by where we live today on our way to work- just in time to discover a new place to inhabit- right? Just as the city falls! ( I didn't see this " zombie" and wanted to turn around ) We're safe here though, not a lot of windows, behind a locked door and 4 floors up. I'm pretty sure I saw a 24 food-service truck driving around too- the best time ever to being thinking of taking a trip somewhere and getting lost! 

Habits

The natural order of things is that we live our lives the way that we're used to living. That means everything that we do, subconsciously or consciously- has some type of purpose. 

They take control of our lives, they enable us to do some things, while disabling us from doing others. They might prevent us from getting jobs, or even be harmful to our health. 

But others can be good for you. Some habits aren't bad at all- they can consist of things you do for other people. certain things can even be good for you personally as well- which is where habits come from. It's something that you do to make yourself feel better. Being all part of your own brain that tells you as the person that you're happy if you do this one certain thing. 

What if you decided that today you're going to do something ELSE beside that every time you get a craving or even feeling that nagging feeling in the back of your head that you would do something else instead? 

I remember when my mother decided she was going to stop smoking that she had said she was going to eat a piece of candy every time she got a craving for a cigarette. It takes dedication to trick our minds into thinking something is the other, but eventually she was able to stop. 

Personally, when I'm getting in a bad mood about my job, some customer is being difficult I try to remember how much fun I had writing in my blog in the morning; how fresh and good the coffee tasted this morning, how beautiful my wife is, the cuteness of my puppy- and that I am working towards a goal. Something I know will eventually have me doing something that I truly love. 

Once you start thinking that way you'll crave things that are better for you, now candy isn't good for you by any means but making your mind tell you that " Hey, I'd rather have you write and make yourself feel better. " than, " Hey, why haven't we had a cigarette in the last 2 minutes?" 

Even as a kid I had problems dealing with addictions and habits. I had four-legged friends, was homeschooled, and lived an hour away from the closest town. It was hard for me to get through my own difficulty in life and the only thing I had for a while was books and a game. 

World of Warcraft could have ruined me, and if I had let it take over my life even as an adult I knew I wouldn't be doing a lot. I could have taken that time I used when I was playing to write out books, and read more- discover worlds that I never knew existed in my own brain.

 I didn't. After I did my chores, I rushed as fast as I could to get inside to play. Even sneaking in a couple of times just to log in to say that I did. To run my character around for a few minutes- just enough to sate my desire to be in front of that computer moving a character that didn't exists. A data stream that was saved on a server somewhere in California. 

I remember the feeling it caused when I couldn't play, the desire to have that in my life- to see what was happening in a virtual world, to talk and see friends that I craved to have. 

Then I grew up, I moved away- got a real job where I didn't have time to play those games anymore. I got better ideas for my writing and decided that it would be best if I filled my time with that.

I still had problems with the game occasionally- I would get bored of being an adult and tried playing, even my friends that I was now getting in the real world also struggled with the same habits I did as a teenager. They all tried to get me into those things, but I retained my own and after several years, I finally was free of those games. 

There are still games that I could play, but I have an addictive personality- if something is fun or good I want to do it until I am done. It's all a part of our lives here in this world.

My goal is to fill these addictive ideas and thoughts into something that I can use to be productive. For the most part it has worked. I am writing more than I ever have, consecutively that is. Writing the blog is bringing ideas into my mind, allowing me to think about that and crave my mornings where I can just sink into my music and let the worlds flow. 

Though there are still goals in blog writing. I want to start actually creating prose for my stories- I want to get into the depth of my creativity and actually publish a book.  

For anyone else struggling with addictions or even bad habits- just try to replace it for one day with something that you know will make you feel better. Not even a better person, you can't change that in one day. Try to do something different than going outside to smoke a cigarette or log into your game for a night. You might like the way it makes you feel! 

Good luck! 

The start of something...

Dense grey fog lays gently over top of the skyline, dulling the magnificence of the city lights. Halos float from street lamps high above me as the headlights of my vehicle cut through the fog as best they can. The only evidence that there is life on this planet, or that people are silly enough to get up this early is the dull red glowing of taillights ahead of me. 

 I take the curves in the road with practiced ease, as we softly talk about the day before and our dreams from the previous night. Happiness etched in our voices, content with each others company, I grip her hand; mine cold- to her warm. She smiles, as she always does when I search for her warmth in the darkness. 

Difference

We look in the mirror, we get used to seeing what reflects there. You see the scars of the mistakes you made as a young adult. They seem to us as though marked with a yellow highlighter. But they make us who we are, the choices we made as a child remind of us who we were, and the road that we had to take in order to become the person we are today. 

When do you know when to get off the road and start paving your own way? The american way is when you leave school, and start your own either through college or playing with the idea of the american dream. Starting work, getting bills- stressing out. The question remains, when do you change from this? 

As Americans- we expect there to be change that comes to us in our everyday life. Though most people realize that there has to be something there in order for us to make the 'change'. There is still a good amount of people who don't realize that there still needs to be something that is different in your life in order to experience something that can be considered a 'new' path. 

You can make small adjustments in your life that could just shape themselves into another change, instead of sitting on your bum on the couch after work or school you could do something closer to doing your dream. Going back to school, or just work on something you love. 

Currently I am working on this habit myself, everyday before work I have a couple of hours where I do not have anything to do. I dodge my bosses and sit and do something for myself. It can be anything- reading your devotion, writing something ( even free-writing- blogs count! ) or just meditating ( something I haven't tired yet ) these all will make your day noticeably different, both to you and your significant other or even roommates. 

I've made the mistakes here that I can promise you won't make any difference in your life. Spending all your money on clothes that you're going to wear through the day can sometimes make you feel good for a little while but it wears off. Or staying up all night with friends can sometimes make some good memories but at the end of the day you're going to be tired and not prepared for your day. Not only that but the people around you will notice that you're groggy or even rude because you're not 100%.

 Life is all about how you perceive it; how you make that difference in your own life so you can make the difference in others lives. It might mean life or death to that individual, it might make or break their day. The people in your live need you just as much as you need them, if you're not 100% for them how can you expect them to be 100% for you? Just keep that in mind as you're surfing the internet or searching for something to watch on netflix next time, make that difference that you'll feel good about the next day or even through out the day. It's all about getting the upper hand on the shadows of the day- shake them off and make good art! 

Consider me a writer

It's been a week. A week since I decided I was going to make a change in my life and try to make more of an effort to actually do something that makes me happy. This is what I found out so far.

As you read the entries up to this one, you might think I write about basically the same thing; happiness, things that make me happy, and time. These things are just always on my mind. My job is not a glorious one, I a am a tech support rep for a cable company. I don't necessarily get yelled at a lot, but it can get rather frustrating with the subscribers. Majority of which should really re-consider even having any type of technology in their house- but what are they going to do? They live in a world where it's mandatory to learn and use the tech that is in their house if they want to watch basic TV. The problem with that is when you get people who don't want help, they just want you to fix it…. 

However this blog entry isn't about my job, or the woes that it brings to my everyday life- it's about how much of a different it actually brings to my day. Last week as you probably already read- or even if you're starting with this one- it wasn't a good week to work. The days were long, and people were mad due to an outage that happened with a vicious wind storm, I was very down- the days were running together and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through the rest of the week. luckily I have people who watch over me. 

Over the years I have retained the stories that I read as a child and they've really made me into the man I am today- I love to read and these types of stories; ones that stick with you and retained over your life time. Memories of a happier time, a simpler time in my life where all I had to do was write. Though I didn't, and regret that choice daily. Though, a lot of it still means that I won't do the things I did as a child and leaves more time for me now to write when I get the time to do so  ( Which I should be doing anyway ) I hope to one day write one of those stories, and am working on a couple that I hope my readers will some day write in their blogs about! 

The reason I brought up these stories was thus: I have retained the memories of another person, or people in the stories I've read and want to keep them forever in the words that are typed here. I do this by making sure that my blog is a place where I can be safe. I can write about what I want to write about, where I can keep my thoughts and ideas safe. Kind of like the pensive of Dumbledore in the popular Harry Potter Books.  You, as the reader don't even need to ask to look through these memories! You're free to read and even comment on these as much as you like to- much like how Harry did, though he didn't exactly have the permission to rifle through Dumbledores, not like he cared though! 

This is my pensive, this is where I write, and fuel my ambitions to write, where I can freely write about everything that happens, or just random anecdotes about my life and how I feel about certain people ( which will more or less fill the pages far more than anything else ) I guess you could consider me an opinionated person. But you're not reading this to judge me ( at least I hope not ) you're reading this because you are interested in what I have to say. 

Writing here has made me write almost daily ( I slacked once! ) and through that has made me start thinking about writing, if you're ever thinking about becoming a writer in your life I would highly recommend doing this. It helps! 

So- here is to the new week, a new start to what I've already started, the writing flowing every day, and soon will overflow into something a little more productive than just writing in a blog. There are many stories floating around my head, many of which I will be posting here as well! Enjoy the ride!

Freedom

Freedom means a lot of different things to everyone. But to me it means weekend. That allotted amount of time in which you're supposed to recover from the work week. But what are you actually supposed to do with that amount of time.

Depending on what you do, of course:

Some people don't have the privilege of getting time off to do anything except work. Maybe that's the fate that I will end up finding myself in. But also, I don't think that it would matter- if it's doing something that you love. I guess the question remains: what if you're doing what you love too much?

Neil Gaiman has stated that this year, for the next six months he will be taking a sabbatical of time off from social media. This could mean a lot of things- personally I think it's meaning that he's spreading himself too thin. Perhaps it is as Bilbo Baggins said after having the Ring of Power for many many years,

" I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to. " 

Lets just hope he doesn't end it such as Bilbo intended to. For all the creative sake in the world. For all the holidays in the world, I know even from my skewed perspective as a 'wanna-be' writer that his brain will never allow him rest from the creative juices. Gaiman has many times said that he isn't even allowed a DAY where he isn't writing something, lest that be his blog or something else that he's been working on.

He's a perfect example of how doing something you love will never be considered, work. There might be bad days, there might be times where you would rather just copy all of the text that you've been working on and literally just erase it all and start over. I certainly know I've been there, frustration is just a part of the job of bringing happiness to the world.

Freedom is what ever you make of it, you can do what ever you wish with it- I can guarantee you that if you do something productive in the time given you will feel a lot better for it. Though every once in awhile it's always good to give yourself the time to just do absolutely nothing, rest up my friends- life is a rocky road, you only get out of it what you put in; spend it wisely. 

The Score

The lights flash across their visors, rain clinks softly off their armor; the respective banners wave proudly ahead of them. 

The opposition glares, ready for the attack- behind their leaders' call. 

They are loyal to him, and will protect him at any cost, even life or death.
He shouts his commands out for all to hear, though it means nothing to the other guy.

The command is issued;  They lunge forward at his call- 
blocking the opposition, they guard their man as he runs as fast as his lets will allow- holding tightly on the prize.

At all costs he must get the prize home, he runs men falling all around him, confusion breaks out, limbs flying ever which way- but suddenly he's free.
For the first time he sees the fans breaking out in cheer, releasing a breath they didn't realize they had been holding:

WE SCORED! 

They win the game, and at the end- the opposition is nothing more than an average man in a uniform, they shake hands- respect gained, another win under their belt

Time.

Time. We never seem to have enough of it. In the world that we've built for each other, we always find an issue with it. How many time have you asked someone, " what would you do if you had all the time in the world?" They would always say, shrugging- as though trying to find the excuse that would fit this particular question best. No matter what seemed to come from their lips it always seemed to have something to do with not having enough time:

" I just get so tired after work."
" On my days off- I just want to.."
" There never seems to be enough time in the day..."

How about all those people who do balance full time jobs and do what they love to do? You never hear them say, " there isn't enough time to do what I love doing. " this is why they are doing what they are and we are doing the other thing. The thing that we as people have learned to hate, but you don't have to hate your job. There shouldn't be hate, or negative connotations with what we do for a living.

Even if you hate what you do- make a change. You're asking yourself right now, " yeah, but the bills aren't going to pay themselves." It took me a long time to realize that it doesn't mean drop what you're doing right now. Or quit your job right now this second and just do what you love. That is crazy, and if you like surrounding yourself with a cardboard box- then sure. Do that.


If the bustle of a busy street, surrounded by nothing but yourself and the people walking by feeling sorry that you gave up your life to pursue your dreams then you should do it, do what ever makes you happy.

An intelligent woman once asked me a series of questions that really made a difference in my life. I have to thank her for that. But everyone has their own path and how they do things, I am slowly becoming something better than I was before. I am in the prime of my life, sitting on a couch and letting the time go by. Do you know what that does over time? Makes you feel like you're living a deja vu life. Never let time slip away from you, some days you're not going to feel like it at all- and time is free. You   can either give it to yourself or take it away. After 26 years all I can think about is this: All good things are free:

Love

Hugs

Smiles

Friends

Kisses

Family

laughter

And finally, good memories-


The only thing that is holding you back is yourself. Time is very precious, but it resets every day to give you another shot at the day, exactly the same every day. Mondays suck, yes. But the best thing about mondays is that it's a release your previous week to do something different than you did before. Go do what you love to do- eventually you'll notice something happen. You'll be happy!

A little thing called love.

Even with the impending doom of what ever is going to come to these huge outages. No matter what is going on with how this turns out; no matter where I am- who I talk to- however they talk to me. I am happy to be me. For the first time in a very long time. 

Look at what I have? A beautiful wife, a cute puppy ( even though she's rotten ) and I am living here in the best state in the world, the people take a bit to get used to though! I am writing again, which is always a good thing. And discovering more and more of my self everyday. This is a good start, if I can keep up with what I'm writing, telling the world what I mean, and how I feel- they can read it or close it. It doesn't matter to me. 

I would love to hear that people are loving reading what I have to say; it's an amazing feeling to feel the hard buttons pressed from my finger tips as that curser flies across the screen; no hesitation- no remorse to what I'm writing ( All I can say is thank goodness for spell check and auto correct ) creativity and freedom of speech, or freedom of writing is the best in the world. How can people live with out having some sort of outlet? This is why depression hits people- this is why we have people who are sad and think of the worst. 

Trust me.

 I've been there more times than I even feel should merit counting to you here. But, it gets better. The people in your life are the ones who heal you- not what you're doing, though it always, always helps.  just remember this: there is a cure; it's happiness, and determination of doing what you love to do. You have the potential to make people happy with doing what you love to do. Just remember that, see the smiles on peoples faces from what you're creating and keep that in your minds eye- it's important. Remember the smiles of those you love, how cute they are when they are just being themselves. I hope you're seeing that face now, smiling back at you for being your self, do you know what that's called? Love. You're feeling love in your heart right now. You're welcome. 

Wipe away the tears of joy you're feeling right now and bear down on what you love to do. Eventually it will get better, as Neil Gaiman has said, " Make good art." that is exactly what I plan to do with my life, I hope you do to

<3 ! 

The word outage will never be the same....

The word outage will never be the same....

out·age

 noun \ˈau̇-tij\

: a period of time when there is no electricity in a building or area

The word outage will never be the same after yesterday. For those of you who are reading this that don't know, I live in the pacific northwest. The north is very beautiful and peaceful; just don't take power away from seahawk fans. 

I work for a communications company, Wave Broadband division holdings- which essentially provides: cable, Internet, and Phone services to people in the northwest, parts of oregon, and the norther part of California as a partner company called Astound. 

Yesterday was a crazy day, on top of having plenty of downed trees, amazing sites of exploding transformers as well as some pretty blue and red lights ( read my previous blog entry to find out more ) were wide-spread outages through out the Washington State and Norther parts of Oregon. To say the least people weren't happy. Usually a quiet day, my saturday was filled with a lot of red and angry customers complaining that their cable-tv was out. Waking up this morning I thought today should be better, nope. There are still outages and people are even more mad than they were before. 

You might as yourself, what happened? That would be a great question, that intend to answer: There was a commercial power outage, meaning that our equipment through wave cable was fine, the essential element, the juice, if you will was missing- power. The power companies were freaking out. They were denying us power to our head end ( where all the lines are coming into ) and we were unable to return power to our customers, thus meaning; no tv. Today doesn't seem to be making much of a different, it looks like we're still trying to manage the downed lines that I can only assume were falling tree limbs. Here is hoping for a better day; pray for me not to get eaten alive by savage customers who just want their tv back. Which, if I were them I think I would be just as angry though you have to remember to think about the broader picture; when the lines are repaired, we will repair the tv connection.

So- if you live in this area, and am currently waiting for your cable, internet, or even your phone lines to be restored just be friendly and understanding to your local service provider- we are trying our best to man the phones and explain the situation to the best of our abilities.  If it was up to use we would surely be returning that service back to you as quickly as we can! 

Even writers..

The life of a writer is a fickle one. We still have to make a living even when we're not elbows deep into a magical wold. And we still have to go places.This morning my wife and I were leaving for work- just like usual. It was the weekend, so it was slower traffic than usual. But still, as usual I leave about a half an hour early- you never really know… 

How right I really was.. driving down the road, heavy rain pelted against my windshield, the type that no matter what setting you put your wipers on it never seems to serve any purpose to the drenching down pour. I swerved around numerous downed branches and pine leaves- the evidence that no one was really out and around this morning at all. There were places that didn't have power, looking as though they were just as abandoned as the road I was driving on. This should have all been screaming evidence that something was going to go wrong, as it always did. You would think I would have learned to see this by now- 26 years still proves that I haven't had a lot of experience in the matter of going anywhere; no matter how many hours I have spent behind the wheel. 

 I come across a stopped police car; apparently left as a barrier- I could see it before I even got there, the only light flashing from red and blue against the speed limit signs, I stopped for a second, wondering what my next move was going to be. Until I saw a truck come from between the flare on the road and between the cop car- he stood still, and irresolute. Thinking that it must be what they want us to do, because why would I want to go around like a normal person, right? 

I was very wrong. Just about when I passed his bumper he pulled out in front of me. I heard a screech, a door slam and a angry man with jelled down hair came over to my car looking so mad that he could bust. Demanding what might have been going through my head driving over flares. Now, sitting here writing this out definitely makes one think to why in the world I did decide to do that. I could have done serious harm to my car, but the other guy did…

So after handing him my drivers license, I thought to myself what type of ticket I would actually have gotten, he even mentioned, " Doing this would get you a very large ticket.." I am wondering if I will hear back from that nice police man in one way or another. If I do I know for sure I will not have a friendly letter asking if I made it to the place i was going safely.. 

 For now it reminded me that common sense is very important in times like that, you have to make sure you're not following blindly to other people- who wants to live their live like that? And in truth me doing that could have gotten me into serious trouble with the Pacific North West Police force, luckily I did manage to get away smoothly- lesson learned..