Hello old friend, I have not forgotten you.

Oh, hello. You're still here! Thank you so much for sticking around even though I've been neglecting as a host for your daily reading adventures. 

 I guess this is where I write that a lot has happened so far, where we dive into what changes I've gone through since last we've met. 

We've quit our jobs, relocated across the mountain passes and snowy flats; survived the brutal cold that has plagued our otherwise happy lives, cold mists following our words even inside the house at times. Though One thing remains that we never had before which makes it all worth it. Family.

We've moved back to Southern Indiana.  Decided to divulge in the family business that I had left back before I even lived in Minnesota. We're raising crickets! Also helping with the eBay business. 

Finding and selling is a very enthusiastic business, we're only been buying once but I found some pretty cool stuff, there is definitely a thrill there that cannot be beat anywhere else. The feeling you get when yo find something that you know is going to be worth more than bright orange clearance tag that you're anxious to tear off. 

I'm looking forward to seeing what else we can find and sell and where we're going to end up. We're looking for houses around the area now. Unsure of where to turn to. We can go anywhere now; all options still keeping us rooted here in the Southern Indiana area at least. The options are endless, now we just have to save enough to get there. 

The pieces move forward, homeward bound?

How do you know you're in the right place. At the right time. 

We are always told as kids that we need to find ourselves. There are no directions, except do what you want to do with out it being entirely too illegal. Just don't get into trouble.

I've been on that quest my entire life, along the way I have met people that have influenced my thoughts and feelings towards other people and even fell in love. 

So far it's been pretty good. There has been a lot of moving, a lot of picking up lives and jobs. These experiences and adventures will influence our lives forever. The memories will never be the same, they will never go away. Some bad, most of them good. 

But now it's more than just moving around finding yourself. Even trying to find that one person. I have that now. It's all a part of growing up, realizing your potential and going to get that potential.

Will my life forever be searching for something I've been overlooking the entire time? Have I been going around in the vane hope that somewhere 'outside' of my comfort zone, when I should have been looking there the entire time.

My worst fear is that I will always regret the move, that I never gave it my 100% before dropping the hope that something would happen and moving on. I seemed to be doing that quite often, and for my life- and my marriage I hope I'm making the correct decisions.  

Or is it that I've just been trying to locate to a place that I never belonged in the first place. I'm picking up our lives at every turn and trying to fit into another place to where our lifestyles are no match. Forcing a puzzle piece a place it doesn't belong. That has been our lives so far. Moving, fitting in- the goal this entire time has always been getting a house and finding that 'home' feeling that we both have been searching for our entire lives. 

We're looking for the safety of the home life. Where we know we're going to be able to invest the money that we get into something we're going to get to keep forever. Something that 10 or 20 years down the line we know that we're going to be able to look back on and be proud of. 

Is that feeling here? Are we just not giving it enough time to sink in? We're fairly settled here. We have something of a life- but there is still that nagging feeling that there should be more to life than getting up and going to work coming home and turning on Netflix. Yes, there is a lot to see around here; it's winter. No one wants to get out and about. Especially for the 405, where you're murdered for going too slow and pulled over for going to fast. There is no medium here. Too fast paced for us. 

Could we potentially get used to that? Would it be a safe place for our kids to grow up? The answerers to these questions can only be answered by time, but who is keeping track? Father time tells us that we need to get to where we're going to be happy. And for us right now, all we want is happiness and surrounded by family. There is only one place you can have that. Home. There has been a little too much effort for us to create a home when there has been one calling to us the entire time. 

Waiting

Rubbing sleep from my eyes. legs stiff from restless sleep; a hot cup of joe to dampen the cold morning, I wait. 

I boot my computer up, soft music harmonies chime and ding in my ear through headphones, cutting me away from the outside world. I wait.

I refresh my email countless times, seconds after another- in the vane hope that something will change, checking things that make no difference in my life at all; twitter, Facebook. I wait

I spend the time I should be using for other useful things, looking at useless facts online- getting lost in the matrix that is the internet all awhile I wait. 

I wait for something to change, I wait for the inspiration that will never come unless I do the one thing I am waiting for. 

I constantly think of excuses of why I shouldn't be doing the one thing that will make the difference in my own heart; watching endless episodes of nothing-in-particular  on Netflix. 

I wait. For nothing but hope. 

Weekend are the best when they're in the middle of the week

Another weekend of nothing in particular. I watched some good tv shows, but other than that not a lot else.

Together we made some good food, cleaned up the apartment and my wife figured out some things on her own blog: 

Wifey's blog

( you should check it out ) 

And checked my email. A lot. 

I feel like this would be me if I had been mildly successful in writing. Someone who awaits the email from publishers saying, " Your work is amazing. " the types of emails one dreams about in a far off sort of way. I am still very far away from that type. No. This email was from my Illustrator, I got to see a sneak peak at her interpretation of what Lukas looked liked based on some drawings ( very poor ones ) of my own. It looks wonderful! 

Maybe I am a little too anxious of the arrival of Lukas's face. Or maybe because it's someone else's idea of how my character will look in her own creative eye.

I had a conversation to her about it the other day claiming that it felt as if she was babysitting my character and he'll be different and spoiled. Maybe that's the case. 

Regardless, I miss Lukas. Which doesn't mean that he's gone. He's still there, but he will be different. I guess that is the first step to any kind of creative work, is that your first step is to let go. Maybe that's how being a parent is too? I'm too young to know that feeling yet! 

Still waiting word, I have to learn to be patient but the little kid inside of me ( perhaps that's lukas ) jumps up and down with anticipation. I cannot wait to see what it is, and perhaps once I see that I will be inspired to write more, but cannot rely on that as my reason behind why I am or am not writing either. That's just silly. 

The puzzle piece

Sunday Rambles!

We're all a part of a greater puzzle, all trying to find and fit into our place in the world.

This puzzle is a big part of our life. We're always trying to find the right fit. Changing our appearance and even where we live to find a better suitor. All through life it's a struggle, a struggle to find out who you are and where you belong.

The biggest thing I've tried to do in the past was to move around, trying to find different envirorments that I've lived in.

There have been some good fits, and not so good ones. The one thing I am most happiest about my moving around is that I happened to stumble upon the love of my life and for that I am grateful.

Writing, working and upgrades!

Silly Life. Getting in the way of my writing!

I have had a busy couple of days, though that is nothing compared to people who actually do this for a living. Catching up with Neil Gaiman's blog, and reading my own writing I've determined there is a lot more to life than writing in a blog daily and considering that " writing ". I have a long way to come before I'm in that winners circle.

Since my last post, I have been home mostly recovering from the adventures that I had with my wife and pup. We haven't really had anything terribly exciting happen for the past couple of days.

I got new headphones, that cover my ears so I can focus more clearly on writing and not so much on the outside world. It's just easier to focus on the voices in my head than the voices coming into my ears.

Yesterday at work our remote reps equipment broke causing them all to have to come in. There was a lapse in their appearance in our queue ( for those who don't work in a call center, the queue is where the calls come into our building and routed to us individuals )

I usually get to work crazy early due to the shift I share with my wife. She starts at 8 and I start at 10. It's just easier to come in and just write this or another part of my story while I wait for my shift to start. Since I get here so early they asked if I would go on the phones early with the promise of being able to leave early. Which was great, the wife and I got to get home an hour earlier. We were so excited we did nothing productive and watched Netflix.

The funny thing is this: your body gets so used to working one shift when you make changes it really causes a rift in your mentality of the day. My wife is usually half way through her shift before my first break. Yesterday we got to have all our breaks together which was great, though the day seemed to be hanging in some sort of matrix-y chasm, unaware of where I really was in the time or space. It was 3 o'clock in the real world but 3 o'clock in Alex world is lunch time and half way through my shift.

I was getting restless even though I had just had a break. It messed me up a little. Long story short, as soon as I got home I was ready for bed. And that's what I did, shamefully.

As for the world of Writing!

I am making changes to my story a little bit. I've hired a co-worker of mine to draw up a couple of concepts for my character, just so I can use that as a guidance for the rest of my story. I have had the same picture of Lukas in my head for too long. He has changed quite a bit since last time I wrote about him from that concept. For me, it's important to see the little guy in 'real life' which is still him being on a piece of paper, but to see the face that I've created from someone else will be a nice change.

I have to admit I am really excited to see what she comes up with and to visualize what my little guy is going to be. It's strange, it's like he's the little guy I've always wanted him to be; when I was a kid all I could have imagined is a friend like him- and I really wish he was real. In my head, he is! He's 'grown' up so much in my head, and formed a really cool little dude. I'm like his parent, seeing him grow into the person I know from today- all from that one picture and an idea. I made someone who is truly wonderful. I just hope my kids are going to be as cool ( which they are, duh. Just look at Joanna and I...)

I'll keep you guys updated on what comes from that when I hear back. I'll wait anxiously by my computer, refreshing my gmail the entire time awaiting the response back and the happy face that I'll have when I see his face. He's always going to be in my mind as one person, the person that made the story real to me. I'm just hoping the readers will feel the same about him as I do. So far, the reviews have been great from family and friends. I'll make sure to share the adventures Lukas and I have here soon!

End of one adventure, beginning of another..

The end of an adventure. The Vacation ended, but good memories and happy faces are all that will remind me of how fun of a time we actually had.

We started our morning packing up and warming the car- it wasn't too terribly cold, but just cold enough to be uncomfortable. Which is usually the mornings here in the Pacific North West. We drove south, through the traffic doom that is the 405, we managed to get off the main roads and traveled down to our destination; The Sunny Seaside Oregon.

Though it wasn't really sunny. Oregon was very wet, and reminded me of a simpler time back home to Kentucky. Rolling hills; farmland as far as the eye could see and plenty of people with trucks as big as their egos.

As we came rolling into our destination; we saw at the end of the lane where our hotel was the roaring ocean. An awesome site: crashing white waves, a dark blue and grey against the crests and white caps. Wind blew us all around as we made our walk down the ocean side.

 We bundled together, hoping to stay warm; as we were just in nothing more than a sweatshirt from the journey south- the smell of fish and sea salt filled our nostrils. Our poor little puppy didn't understand what this tiny gritty stuff was we were making her walk on but soon didn't care anymore- she ran and played all around, even making a few friends along the way.

Our hotel room was cozy, and warm with a tiny view of the ocean- though it's impression was still upon us as we could hear it's call even from inside the room just as clearly as if we were outside.

There were shops we explored, and touristy traps for people who had nothing more to do than spend money on things they would soon feel guilty for. Seafood restaurants littered with small mom and pops who were just trying to bring in the younger crowed to the otherwise senior population.

The most fun my wife would say we had was at the aquarium. Where we were able to feed the seals- found little baby ones who were just as cute as little puppy; and a grouchy old one who wouldn't let anyone pass.

We were got up close and personal to several octopuses, who were in little tanks- stuck to a wall minding it's own business, it's tentacles floating about with a mind of their own. Just as you got close enough to get a good look it would flick and move giving you the impression that if you got closer it would pull you under. It's suction cups pressed tightly against the rock wall holding it in place.

There was a conversation had about whether or not it was sleeping or feeding, which we never found the true answer. My guess; as it's eyes were closed, and it's body pulsed and bubbled against the rock was that had to be sleeping. Joanna's was another fateful tale of how we really would never know, as to how many starfish there were strung around the area, her argument was, " they had to be there more than for show. " And that was as solid as the rock the octopus was suctioned to.

After that we returned to the room as beat as our faces were red. The wind was picking up, the air was getting colder, the ocean fiercer in the darkness. In the night we decided to go down to the ocean, to see it's triumphant glory, it's proud roar never ceased. Though retreated in it's depths the current further than I had ever seen.

We walked for nearly a mile on the beach, forward from our hotel- I never reached the waves, though one moment of fear and a cowardly run later, it had returned, then retreated- as though scaring off anyone silly enough to get close to it's shallows.

The next morning we took our time coming back home- driving around exploring cities and shops.  We got some good deals on comfy adventure clothing and decided to spend some time in Astoria as well.

The shops were small- but had enough in them to keep a prospect shopper busy for hours. We went into several book stores, some crazy antique shops. But finally after procrastinating a full day of casual walking around, shopping and good times we decided it was a good time to head back home.

We realized on the way home that this was the first vacation we had had with out having to go to the another persons house, we were able to go back to the place we called home. Which is still an apartment in a busy city. But at the end of the day it was our home, we felt safe there and slept well.